Why You Feel Lost After Becoming A Mum (And What You Can Do About It)
- Claire Smith
- Aug 1
- 2 min read
You love your children.
You chose this life.
But some days, you look in the mirror and barely recognise the woman staring back at you.
If you've found yourself wondering, "Who even am I anymore?" - you're not broken.
You're not ungrateful.
You're likely experiencing something very real (and very unspoken): matrescence.
Let's talk about it.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the emotional, hormonal, psychological, and social transition into motherhood. Think of it like adolescence - but instead of becoming an adult, you're becoming a mother. It's raw, disorienting, and completely normal - yet most women have never even heard of it.
Matrescence explains why you love your baby and still grieve your old life.
Why you can feel full and empty in the same breath.
Why your identity might feel foggy, fractured, or just... missing.
Why You Feel Lost
The shift into motherhood is massive - and yet it often goes unacknowledged. Here's why identity loss is so common for mums:
You've Had to Pause Parts of Yourself
Your social self, creative self, sexual self, ambitious self - these might feel like they've been pushed aside. Not gone, but paused.
Your Roles Have Multiplied
Mother. Partner. Organiser. Default parent. Emotional manager. Meal planner. You might still hold other roles, but motherhood can easily eclipse them.
You Rarely Get A Moment Alone
Even when you're physically alone, your brain is often still running - holding the mental load of your family's needs.
There's Little Space to Grieve the Shift
Motherhood comes with so much joy - but also real loss. Loss of freedom. Sleep. Spontaneity. Sometimes, even connection with friends, career, or parts of yourself.
This is Grief - But It's Also Growth
You don't need to "bounce back" to who you were before.
But you do deserve to acknowledge what's changed.
You can hold both grief and gratitude.
You can miss your old life and love your children.
You can long for space and still be an incredible mum.
So... What Can You Do?
Name It
Give yourself permission to say, "This is hard. I feel lost. I miss me." Naming it doesn't make you selfish - it makes you human.
Explore the Concept of Matrescence
Understanding the psychological shift can help you validate your experience. You're not alone, and you're not the only one feeling this.
Reflect on Who You Were Before Motherhood
What brought you joy? What parts of you feel dormant? What would it look like to gently reconnect with just one of those things?
Make Space For You (Even If It's Small)
This could be 10 minutes a day to write, a playlist that reconnects you with old parts of yourself, or asking for one uninterrupted hour each week.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood changes you.
But it shouldn't erase you.
You don't have to go back to who you were.
But you do deserve to bring her with you as you grow.
If this resonates with you, and you're craving a space to reconnect with yourself, understand your emotions, and find steadiness again - this is exactly what I'm here for.
Because you matter too.
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