Signs You're Carrying the Mental Load

Claire Smith
Jul 14
4 min read

You know that feeling when you're doing all the things and yet somehow, it still feels like you're falling short?

You're not lazy. You're not broken.

You're likely carrying the mental load, and it's heavy.

Whether you're a mum, a partner, or simply someone who feels responsible for holding everything (and everyone) together, the mental load can be exhausting. And the hardest part? Most of it is invisible.

In this blog, we'll unpack what the mental load really is, signs you might be carrying it, and why acknowledging it can be the first step toward feeling like yourself again.

What is the Mental Load, Exactly?

The mental load is the invisible labour involved in managing your household, your relationships, your work, and everything in between.

It's the planning, organising, remembering, worrying, prepping and juggling that happens behind the scenes - often by women, especially mothers - without recognition, rest, or reward.

Think of it like this:

It's not just making dinner... it's knowing what's in the fridge, what your kids will actually eat, who's going to be home, and what needs to be defrosted.
It's not just going to the appointment... it's being the one who booked it, added it to the calendar, rearranged work to fit it in, packed the bag, and remembered the Medicare card.

You get the idea.

It's everything you do before the doing even begins. And it's why you're so tired, even when your to-do list looks "manageable" on paper.

Signs You're Carrying the Mental Load

If you're not sure whether this is something you're dealing with, here are some very real, very common signs that might sound a little too familiar:

Your brain never switches off - even when your body does

You lie in bed at night and your mind is running: Did I RSVP to that thing? Did I order more nappies? What time is that appointment next week?

Even on your "days off", you're mentally checking schedules, tracking who needs what, and keeping tabs on everything, just in case no one else does.

You're the one who remembers everything

You're the human calendar. The reminder system. The emotional barometer.

You know when the next school dress-up day is. You know when your partner's license renewal is due. You know what size shoes your kids wear and when the bin night changes because of a public holiday. And no one had to ask - you just knew.

You're deeply tired, but it's hard to rest

Even when you do get a chance to rest, you feel restless or guilty. There's always more to do. The washing. The meal planning. The texts you haven't replied to. The mental tabs don't close, they just shuffle around.

And when someone says, "Just take a break!", you want to scream. Because rest isn't just about time. It's about not having to hold everything in your head.

Delegating feels harder than just doing it yourself

You want help. You need help.

But explaining what needs to be done and how to do it properly feels like a full-time job in itself. So you do it. Again. And again.

Because it's easier than chasing someone else to finish it. But you resent it. And that resentment builds.

You feel like everything depends on you

If you don't organise it, it won't happen. If you don't check in, no one else will. If you don't clean it, it stays dirty. It can feel like the entire family ecosystem rests on your mental energy. And that's... a lot.

Even when people offer to help, the default expectation still seems to fall back on you. And you're tired of being the default.

You feel unseen, and that hurts more than you admit

You're doing so much behind the scenes - and no one notices.

Not because they don't care, but because they've never had to.

You've mad it look effortless. But it's not.

You feel under appreciated. Taken for granted. Like your effort doesn't count unless someone else witnesses it.

And that's quiet ache of invisibility? It's real. And it's heavy.

What the Mental Load Really Costs Us

Carrying the mental load doesn't just lead to exhaustion, it affects our identity, our relationships, our self-worth, and our emotional wellbeing.

It can leave you:

Snapping at your kids or partner and then feeling guilty
Feeling overwhelmed but unable to explain why
Emotionally distant or disconnected
Resentful, weepy, or burnt out
Wondering: Why does this feel so hard for me?

It also leads to that deep, aching loneliness that so many women and mothers describe. That feeling of being surrounded by people but still completely alone is what you're carrying.

You Weren't Meant to Do This Alone

Here's the thing:

You don't need to earn rest by burning out.

You don't need to justify your overwhelm with a crisis.

And you don't need to hold it all together on your own.

The mental load isn't just a personal problem, it's a cultural one. But it doesn't mean you're stuck.

In therapy, we can unpack some of these patterns. We can talk about boundaries, guilt, pressure, and how to share the load in ways that actually work for you.

You deserve to feel like a whole person - not just a walking checklist.