The Mental Load of Motherhood: What It is and How to Lighten It

Motherhood is full of beautiful, messy moments - but it can also feel like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You might be ticking off the to-do list, caring for little people, remembering school notes, birthdays, appointments, and somehow still worrying if you're doing enough.

This invisible juggling act? That's the mental load.

Let's explore what the mental load of motherhood actually is, why it feels so heavy, and how you can begin to lighten it.

What is the Mental Load?

The mental load is the often unseen, unspoken, and ongoing responsibility of managing the emotional, organisational, and cognitive work of family life.

It's not just about doing the tasks - it's about thinking about the tasks.

Things like:

• Remembering when the next immunisations are due

• Keeping mental stock of what's in the fridge

• Anticipating when your child will need new shoes

• Planning for daycare drop-offs, birthday gifts, school projects, dentist visits...

The mental load is like having 97 browser tabs open in your brain all the time.

Why Does It Feel So Heavy?

The mental load weighs us down because it's constant and invisible.

Often, mothers are carrying the bulk of it - even when they have supportive partners. It's not just physical tasks that drain us; it's the responsibility of holding everything in our minds.

This load becomes even heavier when:

• We feel like we can't ask for help

• We feel guilty for dropping a ball

• We're praised for "keeping it all together" but feel exhausted inside

• There's no assumption that "this is just what mums do"

Signs You're Carrying the Mental Load

If you're wondering whether the mental load is showing up in your life, here are some signs:

• You feel overwhelmed or scattered, even when nothing 'big' is happening

• You struggle to switch off, rest, or be present

• You get frustrated when others don't notice what needs doing

• You feel responsible for remembering everything for everyone

• You're exhausted, mentally and emotionally

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

How to Lighten the Mental Load

The good news is, you don't have to carry it all on your own. Here are some practical ways to start lightening the load:

1. Name It

   Start by calling it what it is: the mental load. Bringing awareness to this invisible work helps you validate your experience and opens the door to sharing it.

2. Communicate It

   Have honest conversations with your partner or support network about the cognitive tasks you're managing. Instead of asking for help with individual jobs, talk about the mental responsibility behind them.

   Example:

   Not just "Can you pack the lunchbox?" but "Can you take over responsibility for school lunches this term?"

3. Share the Cognitive Load

   Aim for shared ownership, not just delegated tasks. It's about someone else holding the mental tabs open - not just waiting to be told what needs doing.

4. Use Systems That Support You

   - Shared calendars

   - Family to-do lists

   - Meal planners

   - Visual schedules for kids

   Systems help offload the mental work into something visible and manageable.

5. Let Go of Perfection

   It's okay if things aren't done your way. Sometimes we keep the load because we fear it won't be done 'right'. Letting go of control can feel uncomfortable, but it's a step toward breathing room.

6. Prioritise Rest (Without Guilt)

   You can't carry the load if you're running on empty. Rest isn't earned - it's essential.

   
   

   Final Thoughts

   Motherhood will always come with responsibility, but it doesn't have to come with silent overwhelm.

   The mental load is real. It's valid. And it's something we can choose to share.

   
   

   If you're feeling the weight and you don't know where to start, you don't have to navigate this alone. I offer counselling for women and mothers who are ready to put some of the load down.

   
   

   You're worthy of support.